True Life: Chinky Eyes

My priorities are all out of whack. I’m caught up…by myself.

I can’t find the way out of this unhealthy place. It’s like I’m running through a maze. I’m running through this maze, and I think I’ve reached the end until the landscape shifts. I hit a dead end. HOW DO I GET OUT OF HERE?

It’s quite possible that I have seen the exit many times, but did not realize it. Maybe I don’t want out… Wait, that’s crazy; of course I want out! I can’t keep living like this.

My spirit is diminishing. Sorrow is filling the hole you created. It will continue to do so until it overflows and consumes me.

Helpless. Lost. Defeated. I give up.

I bet you think this post is about you, don’t you? You should.

Vulnerable- adj.
1. capable of being physically or emotionally wounded or hurt

2. open to temptation, persuasion, censure, etc.

3. liable or exposure to disease, disaster, etc.

[compliments of dictionary.com]

This word isn’t appealing in the slightest bit, neither are its definitions. It should read, “the state of being/becoming weak sauce” because that’s what it sounds like to me. Everyone has danced with my homie vulnerability at some point in their life. If you say you haven’t you might as well walk out in front of a moving bus for that lie. 

Upon hearing the word “vulnerable” most people instantly assume that the person was hurt by someone they were “involved” with. That isn’t always the case. Friends and family can make you feel just as vulnerable as the guy/girl you were with last week. You realize that you have allowed yourself to get close to people, let them in, only to end up feeling vulnerable and foolish. It’s a feeling that’s all too familiar and I for one can’t continue to be about that life. Yes, that was me admitting my current state of vulnerability. Who hurt me? Oh! Where do I begin?! *unrolls extra long scroll* Naw, in regards to this post, it’s really just two people: a friend, and a friend with potential. Not saying I’ve never made anyone feel vulnerable because I know that I have, but hell, it’s my blog soooo I’m talking about moi!

The morning after…

I started this post last night, but since then I have had a change of heart. God spoke to me soooo clear this morning. I knew everything He said was because I wrote this blog. However, I do believe that I needed to write it for my release, but I know the message I heard this morning was for me. This blog was about to get really ugly. Like, REALLY ugly. God don’t like ugly though so *sings God Blocked It* I can’t keep holding on to hurt and heartache. It’s so draining, and will eventually drive me crazy. Besides it takes more energy to be upset and harp on an issue than it does to get it go. You have to “let it go in order to go.” *Exhales*smiles*

Ever find yourself in a situation where you are feeling someone more than you would like to admit, and you think they feel the same way only to find out that they don’t? Yeah, me either.